**Portland, OR –** A lavish outdoor wedding planned for socialite Penelope Hawthorne took a decidedly bizarre turn this afternoon when two men, identified as Lloyd Christmas and Harry Fitzwilliam, staged a chaotic and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to steal a wedding cake truck. The incident, which occurred just outside of Portland’s City Park, has left local law enforcement, wedding planners, and the bridal party in a state of bewildered amusement.

According to reports, the duo, known locally for their…unique…methods of problem-solving, targeted a fully loaded delivery truck belonging to “Sweet Surrender Cakes,” a popular Portland bakery. Witnesses say the pair, dressed in matching Hawaiian shirts and sporting a remarkable lack of coordination, approached the truck with the apparent intention of “liberating” a multi-tiered wedding cake destined for the reception.

“They were just… running around,” recounted Sarah Miller, a caterer assisting at the event. “They jumped into the back of the truck, started yelling about ‘cake’ and ‘freedom,’ and then proceeded to climb on top of the cake itself. It was… intense. And completely pointless.”

Police were called to the scene shortly after, and a brief but spirited pursuit ensued, culminating in the pair being apprehended after a particularly spectacular tumble from the cake truck. While no serious injuries were reported, the cake, a five-tiered masterpiece featuring intricate sugar flowers and a substantial amount of buttercream frosting, sustained significant damage.

“It was a beautiful cake,” lamented Mr. Hawthorne, the groom. “A truly magnificent cake. Now it’s… well, let’s just say it looks like it lost a fight with a very enthusiastic flock of pigeons.”

Adding to the confusion, the pair reportedly attempted to explain their actions to a bewildered Officer Peterson, stating, “We were just trying to spread the love, man! You gotta share the cake!”

The wedding reception, though significantly delayed, is expected to proceed as planned, albeit with a slightly diminished cake selection. Authorities are currently investigating the incident, though it’s unclear if criminal charges will be filed. The event has already become the subject of considerable local chatter, with many residents questioning the duo’s motives and wondering if this is just another chapter in their increasingly improbable story.