El Dorado, Colombia – In a stunning turn of events that has sent ripples through the Amazonian region, Jack Hastings and Tulio Ramirez have been formally recognized and elevated to the status of benevolent deities by several indigenous tribes. Following a week of intense negotiations and ceremonial rites, the former prospectors were officially declared “Los Dioses de Oro” – the Golden Gods – marking a dramatic shift in the established power dynamics of the area.

The ascension began last week with a series of increasingly elaborate offerings and pleas from the Yanomami and Tupãkari tribes, both of whom had previously resisted Hastings and Ramirez’s attempts to establish a trading post within their territory. However, after the duo demonstrated a genuine commitment to protecting the rainforest’s resources and a surprising aptitude for traditional healing practices, the tribes, led by Chief Kawa, decided to formally petition the Spanish Governor in Santa Marta. A delegation, including Hastings and Ramirez, traveled to the coastal city and, after a tense meeting, received an unprecedented decree.

“It was… surreal,” admitted Miguel Alvarez, a local merchant who witnessed the ceremony. “One minute they were arguing about the best way to trade emeralds, and the next they were being draped in feathers and chanting alongside the shamans. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

The core of the tribes’ decision reportedly stemmed from Ramirez’s knowledge of medicinal plants and his willingness to share his expertise with the indigenous people. Hastings, meanwhile, has embraced the role, reportedly spending his days mediating disputes and overseeing the sustainable management of the region’s waterways. “Look, I always said I was good with people,” Hastings stated during a brief press conference held near the newly constructed temple dedicated to the “Golden Gods.” “Turns out, being a god is just a fancier version of a good negotiator.”

While the immediate impact is a significant decrease in tension within the region, experts are already speculating about the long-term implications. The Governor, while initially resistant, has stated his intention to formally recognize the new arrangement, potentially opening the door for a unique, albeit unconventional, form of governance. Further observation and analysis are undoubtedly required to fully understand the ramifications of this extraordinary development.