Hicksville, England – Chaos erupted at the Hicksville Sheriff’s Station late this afternoon as a large group of individuals, believed to be former residents of the Hundred Acre Wood, engaged in a violent assault resulting in multiple casualties and widespread property damage. Authorities are currently maintaining a tight lockdown around the station and surrounding area, with a state of emergency declared.

Initial reports indicate that the attackers, identified as a band of individuals resembling the iconic characters Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, stormed the station shortly after 3:00 PM local time. Witnesses described a coordinated attack, utilizing crude weaponry and a seemingly insatiable hunger for honey. Sheriff Brody Henderson, visibly shaken, confirmed that at least five officers were injured during the melee, and two civilians are currently listed as missing.

“It was… unbelievable,” stated Officer Dale Peterson, one of the first responders on the scene. “They just kept coming. Just… coming for the honey. They were screaming, ‘Hunny, hunny, hunny!’ and then… well, you saw what happened.”

The attackers reportedly targeted the station’s supply of honey, which was stored in a secure vault. Despite the presence of security personnel, the group overwhelmed the defenses, utilizing a combination of brute force and, according to preliminary investigations, a surprising level of tactical coordination.

Local resident Martha Higgins, who lives adjacent to the station, described the scene as “terrifying.” “I heard this awful racket, like a bunch of children screaming, but it was… wrong. It wasn’t the happy kind of screaming. It was hungry. And angry. And covered in honey.”

Authorities are currently attempting to establish a perimeter and track down the remaining suspects. A state-wide manhunt is underway, with increased patrols reported throughout the region. The FBI has been notified and is offering assistance.

“We’re treating this as a serious threat to public safety,” stated a spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security. “We urge residents to remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity. And, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t leave your honey unattended.”

The situation remains fluid, and further updates will be provided as they become available.